When you are expecting your first child, a very common comment you hear from the masses is that 'there's just no way to explain the amount of love you will feel for your child.' Nothing compares to it. There's no way to prepare yourself. I took all these words of wisdom in to the best of my ability. But everyone was right. You simply cannot prepare yourself for the havoc that tiny little person will wreak on your body/mind/soul. The best kind of havoc...but seriously...it's like everything that was once your reality is put into a jar...and then a whole bunch of glitter is added to it. And then someone shakes the hell out of the jar. The result is this swirling mass of sparkling beauty. And even though all the swirling around makes you crazy dizzy...and a little bit slow... (and in need of a nap 100% of the time)...you don't mind the madness...the sleep deprivation...the fact that you have black roots and blonde hair because you haven't highlighted your hair in 5 months because you don't have time for you. None of that makes the slightest difference. All you notice is all the sparkling goodness.
When Vela was only a few days old I remember sitting in her nursery...rocking her to sleep...and weeping into her burp rag because I could already picture myself at her wedding. The fast forward button was hit the moment she entered this world and all I wanted was to find a way to press pause. All of the things everyone had said were true, to the zillionth millionth trillionth degree. I was talking with one of my best gals about it in the weeks following her birth, and to this day I think she summed up my feelings the best way I can think to describe it...
For me...in some ways, the feeling I had in the weeks and days following Vela's arrival---almost felt more like heart break. You realize just how amazing a miracle it is that you have this life to love and care for. And then you can't help but think that ... what if she needs protecting some day and I'm not there to protect her? Or she needs something that I simply can't provide her...? Sheesh. My heart was (is) exploding for so many reasons.
I suppose all I can do, or any of us can do...is put faith in God that he will watch over our tiny treasures. So that's what I'm going with.
Vela Carina you are our little star...our sunshine...the greatest gift God has given us.
Over her bday weekend (July 21st) we had a big old party to celebrate her 1st birthday. Nautical theme of course...a nod to her name and the story behind it. It was such a special celebration complete with lots of family and friends...good food and many tiny tots running around. It was perfect.
